I do not know whether it has to do with me being a teacher or if it is just human to want others to listen. When others speak to me, I try to turn and face them, so I can hear everything they are saying. I watch body language, listen to voice inflection, listen to and make meaning based on the words (vocabulary) used and I try to really hear what is being said or asked.
It is my belief that most people do not listen. Most people do not allow their own bias, life, needs be set aside so others can be heard. I know that I have been guilty of this. That is why I face the person and allow myself the opportunity to face them. My eyes allow me to focus.
Do people not listen because their own narcissistic needs absorb them entirely too much forcing others' needs to become secondary and irrelevant? Is it because we do not practice living in the moment but live only in our plans? Perhaps, it has to do with constant distractions thus driving us into small idle chatter where speaking and listening become space fillers, not meaning makers.
I am not sure. Think about a time when you truly engaged in a conversation with another person. How did it feel to be heard? How did the connection feel? How does this differ from when others, including ourselves, disengage and no longer hear, but nod their heads in a fake conversation?
29 comments:
This past summer, I attended a church camp in Michigan. My camp consuler and I had a deep conversation about God, family issues, and my life and where it was going. We sat there outside of the cabin and she listened to my every word. I got everything out of me and explained everything that was going on in my life. During the conversation, I feel that we were really connecting, she had her full attention on me. This made me feel important and thankful that finally someone was listening to me, instead of me trying to help someone else.
After the conversation, I felt so relieved inside, it was the greatest feeling.
This contradicts, when people disengage and no longer hear me when I talk to them. I feel so frustrated and annoyed when im explaining something important to someone else and they just sit there and you no that they don't even care what you are trying to tell them. It also makes me feel mad, and like I'm not important, unlike how I feel when someone listens to me. I can say that I'm honestly gulity of this myself. But, I usually only do this when something is really buging me and I can't get it out of my head. If this does happen, I try to snap out of it and apologize and ask the person to repeat what they said.
This topic reminds me a lot about my research narrative paper. My top is about Carelessness of another's opinion. This brings me back to seventh grade at St. Ambrose. Our new pastor Fr. Bob was trying to make the jr. high students feel like they were being involved in school decisions. So one day he had us all meet with the head lunch planner and let us make suggestions. But every time we said something the lady just made up an exuse or said that "thats a good idea but we cant do it" It was always "that would take too much time, too much money, the little kids need that...etc. some of our suggestions includeed washing lunch trays instaed of using foam ones but she said it would take too long to wash them and that the foam we were using was "eco friendly" and would only tak 5 YEARS to decompose. Then we asked if we could use the bathroom during lunch and suggested that we be a loud to sit where we want but the lady said that no one would behave... I could go on and on but in the end it was like we were a loud to speak but not aloud to be heard.
-E. Rady
hi mrs.perrin! i actually remembered to blog! (partly b/c i wrote it down on a sticky note!) anyway, back to the blog. i think one of the best times i'm really listened to is when i'm having a face to face conversation with my best friend. usually we're just pouring out our guts, discussing life, things we like, dislike, and i really know that she's listenin because she gives me true advice, and makes comments. i think being heard, or listened to is the one of the most incredible feelings, it makes me feel like i really matter to that person. the conncection's very strong, and i really listen to what she has to say too. i have to admit, i do that a lot, blocking people out when i think its not important. but i think most of the time that happens b/c im paying attention to something more important, ha like teacher. haha. but it really does make a big difference when i do pay attention, b/c im not just hearing the words they say, im learning more about the person they are. well, House is starting, so see ya tomrrow!
~Hanan
Being one of those people that can carry on a conversation for hours and hours on end this is interesting for me... Whenever I'm in that sort of situation it normally means I'm interested in what you're saying. If I don't like you for whatever reason, I just won't include you in my life at all (I'm just a no strings attached kind of gal). But I remember when I was in Greece for New Year's and I thought I wouldn't really talk to anyone but I got a random message from a person (who'll remain anonymous for the sake of privacy) who I never really talked to before and we talked via internet and we've had more conversations since then and I'm glad to say we've become friends. But whenever we talk they seem interested in what I have to say and I love to hear them talk too. It feels awesome to be heard in general and I know that so I'm always up to lend an ear to people who need it.
Some of my best conversations are with one of my friends. I mean we still goof off, play video games, and reject all seriousness, but sometimes we just sit down and talk about serious things. It's like I'm not just speaking I'm being heard as well. Others the only person they can talk to like that is themselves. (By the way, first 2 signs of insanity are talking and answering yourself, and doing the exact same thing over an over trying to get different results. Just wanted to put that out there.) Well gotta go. This is Ryan Perkins, CNN signing off.
One time when I truly engaged in a conversation with another, it made me feel really good. I felt like the weight was being lifted from my shoulders. Often when we share things with another, you feel a lot better. I think that it is a lot better if the person you share with is trustworthy, but mostly a good listener. I think that if you talk you would want to be heard or there's really no reason to talk if no one is listening. I feels good to be heard because that means that the person who is listening understands how you feel. There seems to be a more powerful connection sharing with someone who is close to you. The connection is worse when we pretend to fake a conversation. It shows that you honestly don't care what the person has to say and it makes the person who is sharing feel bad. It makes ther person who is sharing feel that they may not be inportant for your attention.
listening is a very important element to life. I am not good at listening and it is sometimes realy hard to hold my attention. I think that people zone out or dont listen because they dont find the conversation interesting. when I am with my youth group on a retreat i can easily open up to the people there because I know that they will listen and care about what I have to say. It is the best feeling in the world to know that someone is actually listeining to what you are saying. its gets me mad though when I think someones listening or im telling them something really important and tey ask me to repeat it. sometimes I get so frusturated and just say nevermind you dont care anywways. I try to always be a good listener and pay attention to others when they speak. I love to hear all the different accents of different types of people, Its so interesting to hear them. it is so awesome to know that someone is actually caring and listening. when I have an engaging conversation with someone its nice to know that they are listening. and that I can have a deep conversation with them and they will understand me. listening is a skill that I have to work on ill admit it I am a very bad listener when it comes to certain things.
Katie Taylor
I hate it when people don't listen to me. I am guilty of not listening many times but it inst even fun to talk to anyone who does not even listen. The tings people could say might be very important. They might contain a very important piece of information but if you don't listen you might miss something or do something wrong. I get mad when i am talking to someone about something and then when I am done, they seem zoned out so i ask them were you listening, or i say "OK"? and they say no. People should listen to what everyone has to say, because what anyone says is important.
The last conversation that I had with another person was between my boyfriend.We have been friends for years so we always talk and listen to eachother.It always makes me feel important when I am heard.I feel like the person respects me and that I matter to them.The connection makes me feel like I can talk about anything to them.When others are not engaged in my conversations and do not pay attention I feel hurt and unimportant to them.I like to look at someone when they speak to me and I feel as if I should get the same respect I give others.When someone does not give me the respect I need I will normally not talk to them to show them how bad it feels.Maybe at times I can be as bad as these types of people but I try my hardest to be different and to be a good listener.
I feel like I'm fully engaged with somone when it involves a serious matter such as money problems, fights, or grades. This always feels like I've heard it before but it really shows me what the other person is feeling. I think whenever you talk with somone on a funny matter it is just making small talk as with most times when talking with friends, which isnt a bad thing but sometimes on a bad day it gets old.
Bryan
Hey Everyone,
Talking to people is so second nature to us that we don't even think when we talk. Our lips move and words come out, just because it is so natural in our world to do so. We talk to everyone, but are we really listening? Or are we just chattering to avoid quiet time with ourself?
The last time I truly had a conversation with someone was with my friend, when she was upset. I comforted her and I truly felt the need to make her feel better. We both responded to eachother and didn't create a wall in our relationship.
However, sometimes when I am feeling down, others come to me with the expected "What's wrong?" or the usual "It's Okay."
But when people say these things, are they really meaning them, or are they just doing what is natural or right? Sometimes its the self-centered person that chooses to ignore everyone else.
Selena
Go Biggest Loser!!
Listening...most people do this. Or do they really? The last time I had a deep conversation with someone was with my friends at dance about two hours ago. I love when people listen to me. When I talk to certain people such as my best friends or my friends from dance I actually want to be heard and want to listen to what they have to say. I admit sometimes I do just nod and are not really listening to the conversation. I think that everybody does that sometime in their life. Also I feel really bad when I do that and I'm sure it makes others feel even worse. Like Selena said...talking is a second nature and that should mean that listening is too. But it is always?
Leanne
I think that the key to good communication is to speak clearly and be honest. And if you're ashamed to go to that person then you'll have that on your mind and not be able to listen to that person at all. I like to be heard and often am when I'm just talking with one or two other people. Of course there's always that person like there is this kid that will come up to me in the hall and say "hey Aaron!" and then i'll be like "hey, what's up?" and he'll just walk faster and ignore me. that just [annoys me].
In class the other day, i was trying to say something but so was everyone else *debate.* in class is NOT a good place to try to say my message because no one wants to listen because they're too urged to getting their own point across.
I'd just like to throw this out there: Is there a difference from the following?: OK, Ok, Okay, O.K.? i was writing about it in my journal the other day but no one wrote back... my journal's a bad listener.
So Perkins plays the drums AND works for CNN? I'm jealous. Anyway, to me you HAVE to listen to and respond to what another person has to say, as you may not only miss out on information you may need to know, you also degrade the speaker, giving them a feeling of not being important enough to listen to, or not having anything to say. When I have a genuine conversation with someone, not only do I feel like our conversation has meaning, and that we are getting something out of it, I also feel appreciated. That is why it is important to listen.
-Have a spiffy week
-The H-Bomb.
I am stubborn, really stubborn. While I might be stubborn I listen to other peoples view points. With most people I totaly disagree with them. There are very few people at our age that have the proper outlook to agree with me. Most kids want there lives to be paved in gold and don't think they should ever have to lift a finger, and that it should all be handed to them on a silver platter. So they naturally have liberal views. They also listen to the "do as I say, not as I do" that high ranking liberals preach, which people should ignore but don't.
When I begin talking about politics, most people tunes me out and think "here he goes again", but I have some close friends who have the same outlook as I do. When we begin bashing libs. we can go on for hours, and it is alot of fun.
I usaully do listen to people but I am also a master of acting like I am listening while totaly ingonoring them.
Rush
(and Perkins, how the heck could you watch that dump of a news network?)
“Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”
-Oscar Wilde
I think talking is cool because you find out things about other people all the time and sometimes people have really interesting things to say. Especially when I am talking to someone about something I am interested in, I pay attention very carefully. Just like you can learn a lot by watching, you can also learn a lot by talking. However, conversation can also get really boring, and it often is even worse than not talking at all. Such as: talking about the weather or comparing everything that's bad to socialism/communism like some people that I know.
All in all, conversation can be MAJESTICALLY BREATHTAKING or ATROCIOUSLY PLATITUDINOUS.
-Dr. Ludwig
The last time i had a deep conversation with someone was with my friend. While we were talking we were connecting with each other. I think that it feels really good to be heard. I think that most of my 'true' conversations have been with my friends because we like the same things and we are interested in the same things. I have to admit that i am those types of people that may zone you out if your conversation is not appealing to me. I dont mean to do that but it just happens sometimes even though i dont notice it.
well i have to go.
~jahnavi
i've become close with a couple people this year, and i think that the main reason is that we listened to each other. we tried to learn more about each other, asked questions, and listened when the other was having problems or just needed to talk. its great to have someone you can talk to and know that they will really take what you say to heart, and won't judge you, they will listen to what you have to say and respond thoughtfully. it feels great to have someone really listen to you and to know that someone cares. thats what listening does, lets people know that you care about what they are saying. i also know that it feels amazing to listen to someone, and have them know that they can talk to you about anything and you will truly listen. if someone can tell you something that they don't tell anyone else, it offers a connection of trust, which also happened this year. as for not really listening, and just pretending you are, i do that sometimes. i try really hard not to do that when its a serious matter though, or something thats really important to the person talking to me. i know that if i went to someone that i thought i could talk to and they didn't listen to me, i'd be really upset. i want to be a person that people can trust to listen to them, and not just fake it.
-kate arnica
I've always put other's ideas infront of my own, thus I'm very passive when it comes to practically anything. I /always/ listen to what people say. But from time-to-time I zone out and tend to miss information(okay, probably a little more often then "from time-to-time" )
And actually, just a couple hours ago I engaged in a pretty good conversation. I don't really feel comfortable saying it in public, but I'll rush to the point and say I was talking to my friend, Sarah(from good ol' rhode island) and she was helping me with some of my relationship problems. C:> It really felt like she was listening to me and that's really been the only time I felt like I was heard.
Hey who says I watch the show? Toms got a PHD, Markus is a doctor, I felt left out. Besides saying "This is Ryan Perkins CNN is cooler than a docter. Also imagine Darth Vader saying CNN...............Well did you? I hope so its hilarious. Well Peace out. (BTW Global Warming is a LIE)
When I talk to people I feel like they are just acting like they are listening to me. I think when you talk to people most of the time they are just pretending to listen and not really connecting. I always feel like they don't even want to listening to me and i don't matter. I do think that the conversation has no meaning if there is no connection throughout the conversation.
since ive started high school, ive actually had some problems adjusting to the school and people. usually i hang out with my friends from last year and just talk about whats going on and what last year was like.
i'm sort of shy, so i usually dont blurt stuff out during class or in the halls. but i like talking to the people i am most comfortable with, even if its one on one. its feels great just to know that at least one person knows what youre going through and they are actually saying real comments instead of, "cool" or "oh, really?"
for the last part, i think that once someone tunes out another, we are only pretending. i agree with what selena said about the "usual." we all like how it feels to be heard; but people(guilty) don't always like to sit back and just plain listen.
im never listened to by my parents tey say i dont have a choice and i hate it thats partly why i like to talk alot in class
I think a lot of the time when your having a conversation with someone there listening to you but not really hearing you. Because they have something else on their minds. When i talk to people I try to always make eye contact with them, to show that i am listening to them and they have my attantion. They I try to imput if they are asking a question or something instead of just nodding.
I really like talking to my bbest friend Madeline. Even though I only get to see her on the school bus in the morning. But when we are we tell each what went on during our day the day bfore. I love talking to her because she really listens to me and hears what I have to say and i listen to her. It feels really good to talk to her not only because she is my best friend but because I cant get what i need to say off my chest.
Sometimes it really frustrates me when im trying to tell my friends something really import and I know that there not really listening to me. That why when someone talks to me I try to always hear what they say instead of just listening to them.
~Lauren
Hello (:
I think that a big reason why people don't really engage in real conversation is because they're too worried it will take up alot of time. They're so focused on rushing everywhere, that they don't even listen to what the other person is saying. I think that the reason people don't make eye contact either is because they're afraid if they make eye contact, that they're showing the person that they can talk for awhile, and that they have all of their attention. Also, i think people dont really pay attention to what other people are saying when they're in a "conversation" because they only care about what they think...their own opinion, so they don't even want to listen to what the other person has to say.
I really can't remember the last REAL conversation i had. I honestly don't like to look at people when I'm talking to them. I don't do it because I'm trying to be rude, but I just feel really uncomfortable looking right at someone. To make up for it, I try to listen, and show the person that I'm listening to them in other ways. I can't really remember when I actually looked right at someone in a conversation, which probably isn't a good thing. But now i guess i'll have to start (: ha,
-Emily Hotz,
The last time that I was in a conversation it felt really good. I knew that the person was listening to me by the way the reaacted and it mad me feel like what i was saying was interesting.
I think the body language of a person when your talking to them shows you how you words are getting to that person. Everybody knows what the fake nodding means. When someone's doing that there trying to get through the conversation as fast as they can, or not listening at all. I find myself doing this from time to time but i really try to help it if i can. I think this is a huge part of listening and communication
Listening. I lovelovelove to talk. I can talk for hours on end, about anything, meanless things. But, when it comes to lestening, that's where I can really do things. If anybody needs to be heard, I promise I can and will listen. There is a girl I know, and personally I can't stand her. But, she's kinda troubled, and for some reason, God knows what, she likes to talk to me about it. I think she's lying through her teeth, but I will listen anyways. What if she isn't lying? She just wants to be heard. I am always there for anyone of my friends (or not-so-much-friends, for that matter) to listen to, because I know what it's like to not be heard. Luckily, I know now that to be heard all I need to do is to reach out, and thankfully I have my best friend/cousin who is alwaysalwaysalways there for me whenever I need to talk, and I would never want to deprive somebody of that. A good pair of listening ears is somebody everybody needs.
(P.s., I'm sorry this is so late my dad uninstalled the computer to take it to a friends house to be de-bugged and we didn't get it back until like 20 minutes ago, please accept my apology)
-Emily
So yeah, i really don't have any luck with internet connection.I understand the blog is over by now. My only source of internet is my brother's laptop. I of course, being a partial procrastinator partial I cannot remember anything no matter how much I write it down, forgot to do this til yesterday (friday) when my brother's laptop had no intenet connection whatsoever. Anyway...
listening and actually hearing what the person is saying is a really good feeling. from health class, i learned the good and bad communication skills like good being keep eye contact, listen intently, hear what they are saying don't interrupt or change subject and watch body language. the best times where I am heard are dfinately not at school. Being a freshman, people don't usually care what we think, even if they nod and pretend they do. you can tell by their bodt language, you can tell they don't care and would rather be somewhere else. Yeah everyone does it, whether we are focused on something else or just completely don't care. When I talk to my friends, i can tell they really do care and want to listen to what I have to say. I understand I'm not the best story teller, it takes for ever to get to the point because I get distracted or reminded of something else. It's a great feeling to be heard when you spill your guts and everything. There is one of my friends that I absolutely love to death but it feels that when i have to talk to her, she isn't listening. I have to shorten my story as much as possible so she won't interrupt me. I get very annoyed and frustrated when this happens. it's like she only cares if it's about her. But anyway, having full attention on you when your talking is a great feeling. You feel important and that everyone cares. Well i guess that's all for now. I wrote alot even though I know none of it is going to count because its late. Oh well.this blog wasn't terrible this week. I kind of liked it.
good night see y'all monday!
michelle
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